I need help from God, so bad. I've prayed and still feel alone. I'm in the military on an island away from anyone that loves me. I'm surrounded by young military members who love the life of drinking, sex, and anything crazy. I had been a virgin and was waiting until marriage all my life. But I found myself made fun of and pressured to have sex before I went to Afghanistan because it's(bad luck). The fact that being in the military means around guys always talking about girls and sex didn't help. Everyone looks at porn and masturbates and it widely accepted. I was trapped. I tried to go to church where I was stationed but I still couldn't get away from life at the barracks. Eventually before leaving for afghanstian I had sex and thought i was happy with it. It only gave me a delusion of something that wanted. In afghanstan I became close to a special girl and we talked a lot and she got me through the deployment. When I went home we spent everyday together and I slept over at her place every night. I thought I was happy, my parents thought I was on a honeymoon or something and warned me about sex and how you have to be careful that she didn't believe in God. I was naive and thought we were happy and would be fine even though i am stationed so far away. I was wrong, last night I got drunk and took a taxi and got a hooker. I told her and she hates me. I don't understand whats wrong with me. I wish I could just die. I've her the girl who trusted me more than anyone. I feel so lost . I feel theres something evil inside me that I can't get rid of. I feel so corrupted. I know I need God and a whole new life. My hope is dim, I don't know how easy it'll be to change my lifestyle with the constant influences of those around me. I want her to forgive me, but I feel I'll never deserve it. Please pray for me. I was raised so much better than this, I don't know who I am.