2nd Peter 2:18-22 is a sobering passage of scripture. But, throughout my life, it has rung true every time. Because you see, every time I fall away - back into sexual sin - there are definite and immediate consequences, which I now know Jesus uses to righteously judge me. He does it because he loves me and because he wants me to be free from the sinful lifestyle he payed so dearly to set me free from on the cross. I've been a Christian since I was less than 10 years old; filled with the Holy Spirit, too. But I'm a textbook case of someone who sat on his haunches and didn't resist sin when it came after me. Never assume that because Jesus set you free that temptation will no longer come. I foolishly believed that for a time, and my fall then was worse than ever before. It started out as seeing a few images on a computer in 1998. Then I would actively seek out provocative images. I never masturbated, however, until I got to 11th grade in high school. A good friend of mine urged me to do it, saying it was wonderful and totally OK. I believed his lie and tried it out one day when my family was away. The pleasure I felt was unbelievable at first... it lasted for hours, it seemed. But then I was overcome with guilt, as I had wasted my first orgasm on a worthless internet movie. Many times over the years I have been caught, and have confessed and agreed to measures to stop, but never for long. I always found ways to go behind my family's back. Sometimes I would even do it while my family or friends were in the next room, or even behind their backs in the same room! I would feel an urge and masturbate in the public restrooms of many businesses, making people wait on me constantly. After I had been water baptized this April, I repented and thought it was finally over. I even stopped going to the Overcomers Outreach ministry at my church. Well, for a time I was totally and completely "cured," and had no desire for it. BUT, I got lazy, thinking it was behind me, and now it's June and I'm starting to become addicted again. The shame I feel now is worse than ever. It hurts me badly to think that some day I may be water baptized again for the same thing because of my foolishness. The first time I repented boldly; now I repent quietly, ashamed. Please pray for me that I may live a pure life until the day I see Jesus face-to-face so that I might not shrink back from him when I finally see him.