Hypocrite

I only go on this website out of guilt after I've just looked at porn. I've tried a few different recovery programs but I always go back. Sometimes I do okay for a while but I always go back. I feel as thought I've reached a new low. God's calling me to be in ministry but all I have is criticism and resentment towards the church. At the same time I'm sinning on the side with porn. I've reached a point after being a christian my whole life where I'm not sure I believe Jesus could change me. I have to lead worship this Sunday which is something I used to love to do. But now I know its a lie and leading worship just makes me feel like a hypocrite.