I've had a problem with pornography since I was 9 years old. I don't blame anyone but myself. I wasn't introduced to anything. Even then it became an obsession. I'd watch shows on Cinemax after hours to indulge the obsession. Behold the internet in all its glory. I came to use it when I was about fifteen for the use of looking up pornographic pictures. When I hit the age of 18 I started to use the internet for streaming porn. I know that I have viewed thousands of pieces of sexually explicit material just from that. After college I purchased my own laptop, from which I could view as much as I wanted. All the while I'm attempting to maintain relationships with both family and a significant other. Well, I became engaged to a woman that I loved. I knew she had a problem with porn due to her own personal experiences with her father, but I would continue to look it up, blaming it on "sexual frustration" due to not being married. We are no longer together, and I'm convinced that my addiction was the main reason for it, even if she doesn't know it. Even now she has no idea that I spent hours while she was away looking at things that would make her weep for her finace'. I didn't think I could sink any lower, but when I ended that relationship I began to pay for porn internet services. This continues today. I am a Christian but have been out of practice and fellowship with the church or anyone from it. I feel that what I struggle with now is worse than anything I can think of. I think it would actually be better to have an addiction to alcohol or drugs because of their social acceptability. I feel like a pervert, and I have never felt comfortable talking to anyone about my problem, including the accountability partners I have had over the years. I pray and have prayed for years for a way to deal with my addiction. I don't pretend to think that I don't have a problem. I know I have one, but in truth I feel too much of a coward to tell anyone but a Christian recovery site. It's ruining my life. It's started interfering with my job. I let it destroy my relationships. I suppose this is a cry for help, because I don't know where else to turn. I could really use some help, because I feel like I'm on my last rope.