For reasons otherwise, I have concealed my true identity. I've been battling porn for quite a while now. I've confessed it to two friends. They are the only ones that know about it. I've tried using the X3watch and it failed. I tried to keep myself accountable to a friend of mine only to learn he struggles with porn as well and we decided to keep ourselves accountable to each other. That worked great for me for about a month. I went to a winter camp retreat with my whole youth for the MLK weekend and I felt somewhat revived and I didn't look at porn for two whole months! It was quite the joy for me! But I am back at the point again where I am looking at porn and masturbating to it because I feel that in my life and walk with God I do not care whatsoever anymore. I feel so ashamed of myself. I ask myself sometimes, "Is this really where I have gotten myself?" I really want to stop badly but nothing seems to work. I could really use anyone's prayers at this point. One thing that infuriates me about these sites is that they all claim that they want to help but none of it is free! I don't have any money for this kind of thing and I don't even have a job! Aren't God's children supposed to help one another in times of need and desparation especially when one of his children is committing sin and lacks the means to stop it? I wasn't really going to write a confessional but I felt I had to get this out there. If you really want to help many of God's children with this sin, this addiction, then it will have to come without a price tag.
