Is it really that bad?

It feels bad. It feels like it drains me. Like all my time is gone, sucked into it. What is the source of this? Why don't I have any self control? How can I come to understand what God wants for my actions? I try constantly, its so hard. For some reason, whenever I do do it, at the moment I feel like "its not really that bad"... "i'll just do it really quickly..." "it'll help me calm down..." Aye...