I never looked at porn or masturbated until I was 19. It was such a simple thing as I had developed such good habits concerning what I let my eyes take in. After hearing many guys give confessions about their sexual struggles I started to think that I wasn't "normal". 7 years later I can still remember that first video I watched and it makes me sick. It opened the door to an intense struggle with porn, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I'm thankful that God pulled me through some of the darkest times. I've not seriously considered suicide or been in the darkest moments of my depression for a few years now. However, I've now been married for two years and I still haven't been able to completely stop looking at porn. I'll go for a few months without it, then have a week like this where I'm watching porn almost everyday. My wife knows I struggled with porn before we were married, but I haven't been able to tell her that struggle has continued. I've never had a good sex life with my wife as I tend to feel extreme guilt whenever we are intimate and I tend to think of myself as a disgusting person. This only makes it worse. Not sure why I'm even posting this on here. I've had accountability partners come and go, but I don't think I've ever said all that before. I wish so badly I could go back and choose not to watch that video when it was "easy" not to. I've hated myself for so long because of this.