Loneliness is one part of a vicious circle of things that's lead me to pornography and masturbation. Despite being a shy loner, I enjoyed the social aspect of public school. I wasn't a "threat" to anyone, and could hang "around" any clique. I was still an outsider and had few close friends, and I've only ever had one girlfriend. And now, there are very few people around my age left in town. Having high marks in high-school may sound like a good thing, but it turned out to be a handicap when it came to post-grad options. Unlike those with lower marks, I was actually presented with fewer choices by the guidance councillors. With my marks, university was apparently the only choice for me. But, unlike my brothers, I never knew what I wanted to do in life. I also never learned to actually study, because things had came so easily for me. So, my experience with university was more than a failure. I lasted half a semester and ended up in the hospital psychiatric ward from depression. The first of three such stays over the years. I've had migraines since I was a child. Combined with my depression, they create a vicious circle where I sometimes go a week just sleeping, snacking and popping pills. Even worse, when I feel a migraine coming on, or I'm feeling depressed, I turn to pornography. Just like snacking during a migraine, it's related to chemicals in the brain. But if I do other things that occupy my mind, then I can often avoid the trap. But the internet is important to me for the good things I enjoy in life - film, hockey and journalism. Unfortunately, even when avoiding non-porn websites that feature things like celebrity bikini slideshows, I can get caught in the trap by things on my favorite sites that challenge my self-control, which is very weak. All my life I'd either start a project and never finish it, or obsessive over a project until it was done. Both of these aspects show up in my addiction to pornography. I can easily be distracted from something innocent and end up turning to porn. Or I can spend 4-6 straight hours looking at porn before I'm "satisfied". (Wasting away my night and getting no sleep, and sleeping all day the next with muscles aching throughout my body.)