Even though his behaviour makes me think otherwise, i know that I am an attractive 30 year old woman. I run half marathon, I eat very well, and shop in nice stores. My husband has been looking at porn more now than he ever has. It's possible that he's not having a midlife crisis, but porn is causing one. He's 36. Doing the stereotypical stuff: ogling red sports cars, putting passwords and secret browsers on his phone. We were bible college students at one time. Now neither of us attend church and we are barely able to muster a confident statement of belief in the most basic of terms. He doesn't find me interesting. I've had Facebook for years, he almost never (could count on one hand) checks in on me. I guess I just bore him. He has said to me on occasion, "I wish you would dye your hair blonde," and "Sometimes I wish you were a little dumber." One morning, I was obviously deep in thought and not talking to him like I usually do, while he enjoys the freedom of non-participation and to think about other things while I'm speaking. It was a rare occasion: he asked me what was on my mind. I didn't think much before I spoke, just stated plainly and openly, "I'm wondering what it would be like to be with someone who actually likes me the way that I am." We have been married 10 years. I can't shake the question that maybe I deserve attention, interest and adoration. I'm sick of the false intimacy and the lack of true intimacy in my marriage, this union I have invested so much in with ambivalence and this distant fantasizing man in return. I plan to leave.