Empty

I guess I just want to say that I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the guilt and shame and secrets. I was just looking at porn not 5 minutes ago and my mom is sitting right across from me. I'm also going to church later on this evening. I just can't stand this cycle of sin, falling in and out of His arms. Everthing is just empty and I don't have the will to ask God for help even though I know He's always there. I don't know, I'm just here and at a stand still.