For a while I didn't want to admit to myself that I may have a problem with porn. I just feel so disgusted by myself. It began a little over three years ago. My ex boyfriend and I were together for a long time and we started getting serious. We began having intercourse and I felt so wrong about it especially because we were both already saved so it's not like we had an excuse for our behavior. Sometimes it was forced but other times I wanted equally as well. It's safe to say that having premarital sex ruined out relationship with each other but with God as well. I had to leave him an it was the hardest thing ever but had to be done. Maybe a year later I began using the Internet and social networking sites a whole lot more. I stumbled upon some porn one night and was disgusted at first but didn't want to stop looking. I began to "stumble" upon porn more frequently. I was always very careful and tried to convince myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong because I wasn't actually touching myself. I stopped for a while because I couldn't handle how it was making me feel. A couple of months ago I got a phone with Internet and there I was again seeing porn more and more frequently 'cause it was easier to access and hide. I went on this site before but got out immediately because I thought technically I'm not really masturbating and I don't have a problem. Just recently though it's gotten really bad. I've yet to start touching myself but when I do see porn I get the urge to and I really want to like you have no idea. Or just to be blunt I really wish that I could have sex. That's really what my flesh desires. I put on a good front about sexual sin but it's something I struggle with daily. I don't want to talk to anybody about it because I'm scared of being judged and isn't want anyone to look at me like a sick pervert. It just really sucks. I need prayers.
