For years I've been struggling for pornography and for my whole life I've been struggling with sexual immorality. I'm so tired of holding everything in and putting a face on. I'm so tired of tip toeing around people and telling them as little as possible about my life to avoid confrontation. I obviously haven't talked to a lot of people about this and the people that I have talked to think that I'm "over it". I grew up in church and am very involved at mine right now but I just keep everything in and live a double life. I'm so tired of pornography in my life. I went sober for a maximum of 2 months since the first time I was exposed to it. I get obsessed with it and have betrayed God soo much recently. To the point where I literally say in my head: "I want this more than you" to God while I'm watching it. I LOVE God but I have rejected Him and failed Him an infinite amount of times. I still think that I'm a Christian and a lot of people look up to me in the church but I'm sure if they knew the truth they wouldn't. I'm really not good at this because I like to bottle things up. I miss overcoming and being satisfied with Jesus Christ and being overjoyed with every moment in life. But when it comes time for temptation I fail...every time within minutes of another. I'm so tired. I judge everybody else's issues and disregard mine. My pride and arrogance have destroyed me. I need help. I keep telling myself, I'll get un-addicted to porn and then confess to somebody...and then share a testimony...and then be okay with telling people, but I know that those are lies and I won't go anywhere that way. So I guess this is what I came up with.