It all starts with one click. The first time I saw a naked woman I thought it made me more of a man. At the time, I wasn't a Christian. The feeling I got made me feel older than I really was. Now, probably about 5 years later, it hasn't stopped. When it first started I only watched the videos. I was just hitting puberty, and something about them made me get a feeling that was almost like a drug. I didn't understand it because I was so young. I got over it for a while. I didn't have anything to do with porn. Until I turned 12. When I turned 12 I realized the power God has given man, and I realized this power through masturbation. I became a Christian when I was 13. When I became a Christian, I understood and really respected girls. I never looked at them with lust nor had any desire of ever getting in bed with them. Instead I took the comfort of a computer or phone screen and masturbated to it thinking "I'm not really hurting anybody else, I mean, they offered themselves to the movies and it gives me pleasure". I have really been growing in my walk with the Lord. I don't understand it. I hold Jesus in my heart and do everything to serve Him, then it all shuts down when I get in bed at night. --------- Porn became more than an addiction to me, it became a habit, a way of life. I understand completely what I am doing, but the feeling of masturbation has been my "drug" per say. I feel the Holy Spirit convict me, and I even feel God telling me that I am meant for so much more than what I am making myself, but I keep going on. Once I "hit the end of the road" in my act, I have an amazing high, but then when it's over, it dies. I feel completely horrible, and realize what I just did. I get convicted, and I deliberately dissobey God. I realized that's why I want to stop. Not just because it's the right thing to do, but because God is telling me to. I have respect for every woman I see. But once I turn on my phone, disrespect is the same as respect. God loves porn stars too. But he doesn't tell us to make them our lives. Right now, I live in secret, and I hope to keep a secret. I want to completely erase this part of me so I can keep growing in my walk with the Lord, even when I am in my own bed.