My porn problems started in seventh grade when I would have cybersex over neopets. Then I began looking at pictures online of animals having sex. My parents caught me and for about two years I was doing fine. Then I kept stumbling on pretty graphic photos online until it got to the point where I was looking at some serious junk about a month ago. Asking myself what was wrong with me, I convinced myself to stop. And I did.
However, I've continued to have a problem with masturbation. As a girl, it's something I'm incredibly ashamed of, and I've managed to keep it a total secret from everyone.
I'm extremely tall and have never had a boyfriend. The reason I lust so much is that I'm afraid I'll never get to be sexually intimate with anyone because no boy will ever love me.
What I need to remember however, is that God loves me. Who gives a frickin' frack what other people think? I see his love in the beautiful brothers he gave me, I smell his love in my mother's cornbread, I hear his love in my friend's laughter, I taste his love in the salt of my sweat, I feel his love in the wind that blows me home from school, what else do I need? I can't think of any other man on this earth who would be crucified, hung to die, practically naked in front of a whole city, just to be with the girl he loves. I'm that girl. Jesus loves me more than any man ever could. I want to prove that I love him back.