It first started for me with listening to music that made me want to do what I knew was wrong. I've been masturbating and doing things that I NEVER thought I would ever do. It scares me, the things I've done. I watch videos of things that i should never be looking at. I feel ashamed every time I masturbate and look at the screen of the computer. I feel like I've become scum...something that is so dirty it can't be cleaned. I was born into a Christian family and have a relationship with Christ, yet still the temptation is almost too much to bear. I try to stop and I will sometimes for a few weeks but I end up coming back to it when no one is around. I feel sometimes like I'm finally free, but it seems like this demon is too large for me to handle. I can't stand it anymore, and I don't want it to escalate into something I can't come out of. I'm scared and I really do want to change but I'm afraid I won't be able to. I don't want this to rule my life and instead I want to fulfill the purpose that Christ gave me. I don't want this anymore. It won't control me and I WILL say no!