My whole life since the age of 10 to 17 I've struggled with masturbation. In the last few years I've gotten hooked on porn. People keep telling me that there is freedom from all this but I fall every time. I don't want to cope with this addiction to porn or masturbation I want to conquer it. But is there really freedom in this? Is there ever a point in my life where I will look and say I truly have no desire for that any more? Will this fight never end? It seems like I'm the only girl who has this problem. So I look inside myself for the reason why I do this. What are my trigger points. Well, whenever I watch some sappy girl meets boy movie with friends or even my own mother. Whenever I listen to this song or that. It reminds me of my loneliness and how my arms are empty with someone to love and not just physically but also emotionally. For a little while I stopped watching those movies and listening to those songs. But I can't help myself sometimes. Even walking down the street I'll see people holding hands. I should move to some desert island and stay there. Does Jesus hear my cries? He died and redeemed me, he knew my sins before I did. He made me anyway. He made us - human kind - anyway. Why is it that these truths will not ring true when faced with my enlarged guilt? If I died today, I fear He would cast me to Hell because of my recent sins.