I wrote/posted this on April 23rd of this year. Ive struggled with porn since about 8th grade. Ive been caught twice in the past. After the first time getting caught, I went about 8 months before relapsing again. Its so hard to get rid of something after it becomes habitual. The second time I got caught I prayed to GOD that the urge would go away. Well it lasted for a few months before starting back up again, that was around my freshman year in high school. For 4 more years I would struggle with porn, watching it whenever I was home alone, often masturbating, even watching it on my Ipod when my family was home in my room. There were times when I would come back from a youth retreat at church and feel so renewed and ready to start over but then temptation took over. Something so preventable just seems to be so powerful. Infact, I watched porn and masturbated today. Its so hard to stop! Ive given it up cold turkey before but then I just stumble upon it again and go back to where I started. My church youth director told about his struggle with porn and he said that the key is to think that GOD is on your shoulder 24/7. And to live life according to that. I know its dissapointing to GOD and my family, but its just such a struggle. Infact I have the urge to look at porn right now because Im talking about it. But tonights different, I think that me writing this letter is the first step to recovery. Every time I have an urge, I will open my bible and read, which is something I struggle with as a Christian. However, I feel a calling to ministry of some sort but this struggle along with other self doubt causes me to stray away from studying religion in school. But like I said, tonights different. Even though Ive been a lifelong Christian and gone through Confirmation and been active in Youth Group, I never fully gave my heart to Christ. After Im done writing this letter, I am going to break down and pray and apologize to GOD and renew myself in him. I hope that this time will be succesfull with GOD by my side to guide me towards right action. To anyone reading this letter, I just want to say that YOU CAN DO IT! IT CAN BE STOPPED! Please join me and rededicate yourself to Christ after reading this. We can do this together as brothers and sisters in Christ! I plan on writing an update on here every 23rd of every month to show those who are battling this temptation that IT GETS BETTER! Phillipians 4:13 says that "YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES YOU STRENGTH!" Be strong, resist the evil that is porn, remember that GOD is on your shoulder 24/7. WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER! GOD Bless all of you and I hope that my words can inspire others to join me towards a path of cleanliness! Today is the day, tomorrow will be hard, very hard but I just need to remember that GOD is on my shoulder and I need to remember that great verse that is Phillipians 4:13! My update is that the temptation is still there and that porn is still a part of my life. Thankfully I have administered controls on my computer to prevent activity, Its my iTouch taht is the next battle. Its my only available way to watch porn. Im going to download the app that sends alerts to a email everytime I search for restricted material. I need to remember that I need to trust and listen to what the Lord is trying to tell me. But it seems like porn speaks in a larger volume than the Lord does. My parents know, my youth pastor knows. Im afraid to tell my current counselor because I just dont want the added drama of her knowing because I dont want to have to go to rehab or more counseling. But I have the ultimate counselor in Jesus Christ whom can get me through every battle in life. So in closing, TURN UP GOD'S VOLUME IN YOUR LIFE!!!! WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!