When I was 8 years old, I was sexually molested by my older female cousin. My parents didn't understand how shattering it was, and we never really talked about it again nor did I go to therapy. I felt tremendous guilt and didn't understand what had happened to me, because it felt good. I thought that made me automatically a lesbian, although I wasn't attracted to girls at all. In high school, I became more curious about sex. I really didn't know anything. I started researching and two things came out of it: realizing that "what had happened to me" was considered molestation and discovering porn. Having a vocabulary to describe the trauma was cathartic, but met with equal parts destruction. For the past 5 years, I've struggled on and off with porn and masturbation. I've confessed that to people and have had accountability partners, but what I haven't told anyone (because of the shame) is that the porn is lesbian & always depicting the events of my molestation because that was my "first sexual encounter." I'm a Christian and I've surrendered all of this to Jesus so many times; I just want it to end. I want to be free from this, especially the shame about the lesbian porn. It's nice to know others struggle with the same things. I'm not alone. I know that God has already set me free from all this, I'm just not walking in it yet. There's hope.