I am a 20 year old college student. I was raised in the church and was very strict on myself about boys. I got a boyfriend when I was 17 years old and was my first kiss. We ended up breaking up 2 years later and it left me heart broken. I didn't have sex with the boy but I defiantly was not innocent either. Since then I have been promiscuous with guys but every time it has been while under the influence. I thought it would help me get over my Ex but it has harmed me and my self worth instead. At one party I was so drunk that I blacked out and woke up naked next to a stranger I didn't know what to think or do. I asked him if he had sex with me he said no then I left. I then tried so hard to not go to parties and be safe. But then I went to a graduation party and got into a car with a guy we started making out then he ended up raping me. I was a virgin and I couldn't believe it. Since then I have tried to change but always end up going to parties and hooking up with guys. I don't have sex with them but its the point that I know that I am not suppose to be doing this! After my breakup I have also had a problem with masturbating...I never thought this would be me..a girl who was 17 years old and never kissed a guy now I am a victim of two sexual assault cases, have hooked up with many guys and has a problem with masturbation. I don't want to make this mistake anymore. I am Done and I want freedom from this....I just want to feel worthy again.