I am too the girl from a small town known as the strong Christian girl. While I may not have an addiction to porn myself, harm obsessed to my husbands addiction. I was engaged at a very young age to a young christian gentle man I had dated for years. One day he admitted to me that he struggled with porn. I was clueless to his addiction but soon learned just how serious he was. I started checking his computer regularly and his email. I agreed not to leave him but to stay and learn to encourage, pray, and do whatever I could to help him overcome. A few weeks later he broke off the engagement and left town without much of an explanation. A few years later I met my husband. When I realized that things were getting serious I told him what I had gone through with my ex. He assured me that I wouldn't go through that with him. A year into our relationship I had an opportunity to check the history on his computer and I found porn. I was devastated and confronted him immediately. He confessed to me that he had struggled the whole time but was doing his best to overcome the addiction before I found out and before we took the relationship any further. We got engaged and got married. Just 2 weeks into our marriage I found porn. I felt tricked. My husband has shown continual effort to work on his addiction, but inevitably he slips up every now and then. Through his struggle i have seen images and things that have corrupted my mind. I have never been able to tell him that his struggle causes me to struggle. Once or twice I have looked up porn myself out of frustration of finding his porn. The first time I was curious and wanted to understand what was so hard to give up. I am not satisfied in our marriage bed because of his distractions. I hear stories of men saying that their wives aren't willing to have sex regularly and it hurts because I am the one who feels like my husband won't have sex enough with me. I realized a few weeks ago that I don't even know how to initiate sex with my husband because it's always on his terms and I refuse to try anymore because he consistently has rejected me. If we took sex and porn out of our lives (so to speak), my marriage would be picture perfect. My husband and I get along well. Enjoy time with each other. And otherwise still act like newly weds. Sometimes I wonder if sex will ever be normal and healthy in my life, in my mind, and in my husband's. Porn has done so much damage to me personally, to my husband, and to our otherwise beautiful marriage. I pray that someday we overcome this and are able to share our stories of victory with others.