I have struggled with pornography and masturbation since I was 11 years old. I was able for several years to keep it at bay, only doing it occasionally for a quick fix. As I grew older, things began to escalate. I found myself looking at even more explicit images on the internet, and once even at my pastor's home while I was supposed to be babysitting his children. I used maaturbation to relieve stress and to quench my sexual desires, but it made both exponentially worse. I feel like trash afterwards. I feel disgusting and useless. I have born this burden alone for years, and not a soul knows in the whole world. No one would even suspect it from me, since I teach Sunday school and I am very active in my church. It would kill my mother if she knew. I am in love with a perfect man, and I am afraid that he would see me as impure and gross if he knew. I hope to marry him someday, and I am praying that these addictions don't ruin our chances for happiness. When I look into the mirror, all I see is a failure and a lie. I am ashamed and guilty, and I want this all just to go away.