Since I was 13, I've felt ashamed and isolated. I know there are women out there who struggle with porn addiction, but I always thought (and sometimes still think) somehow I am worse, I am unredeemable, I am evil and bad and unlovable. On bad days I think, if people knew the real me and the issues I struggle with (how much I think about sex, even during Sunday school and church services), they would never want to look at me, much less talk to me. For months I will think I have beaten the addiction, and then I will go to a free site I know and look up the latest videos. How could God love someone so weak and disgusting? But He does. It defies all common sense, but God has surrounded me with spiritual, material and every other kind of blessings. He gave me people who love and support me even though I will never deserve their love. He has helped me through depression so deep it almost cost me my life. He gave me a purpose on earth, one that will allow me to help people. I have to try to remember all of these things when I fall off the wagon and into the pit, and it is never easy.