The truth is, I don't really know how to write this. I don't know if I have the right words, or if the commas will be in the right place...All I know is that this is going to be honest. It's liberating, in a way, as I realize that this is the first time I will truly be honest about my addictions. You see, I am and have been addicted to pornography and masturbation since the age of 11. My first encounter with pornography was by chance. My father's forgotten floppy disk full of pornography was left in the computer, but the files had been minimized in the task bar. Me, being curious and all, had to know what was open, so I clicked, and before I knew what was happening, I found that I couldn't stop. I couldn't rip my eyes away. Recently, things have been being pieced together. I had a discussion with my sister a few nights before her wedding recently, and discovered that the things I noticed about my dad (which I will explain soon) were the same things that my sister had noticed and needed to heal from. My dad had an addiction too. Has an addiction still. Up until recently, a memory had been erased from my mind. I think it was my body's way of telling me that I wasn't ready to face and deal with the memory properly. My memory was of seeing my dad masturbating unclothed. It was completely by chance, yet I question why he chose to pleasure himself in the living room in broad daylight...The thing about my dad is that he has never been very discreet with his addiction. Perhaps it's because I blocked this memory out as well, or just thought it was normal, but my dad would touch himself through his pants, even if we had company over. I spent my childhood around a sex addiction, and I became the very person I dislike the most. I struggle with pornography and masturbation, but I'm realizing more and more that it is a never ending cycle. It runs in our family. That if I don't stop this addiction, and stop the devil from winning, I'm letting this cycle continue. I'm also realizing that this addiction is no longer my dad's fault. I have to take ownership. As I type this, I can humbly say that I've been 'sober' for two weeks tomorrow. It's not a lot, but it's a start, and I'm not going to stop. Prayer and community would be greatly appreciated.