I've struggled with masturbation for almost 20years. I was young when I was introduced to it, and even managed to find another girl to experiment with. That was the only time that happened, but the desire for stimulation didn't leave. My parents had a "sext book", and textbook about sex, complete with pictures. If they ever knew that it supported my desires, they would have been devastated. I didn't always have access to the pictures, but I often masturbated without them. I got into erotica fiction in high school, then, with access to the Internet at home, I started finding erotica online. I didn't keep this at home, either, finding places and times to be alone on the University campus and in my car. I finally stopped with the online, but now find pornography on the Tv occasionally. I've been disgusted with myself for as long as I can remember, and though I've been able to go as long as 6-8 months without touching myself, I always come back to it. I know it's not pleasing to God, and that it's usually brought on by distance btwn He and I, followed by severe feelings of inadequacy. Knowing this this, I still allow the fears and